It’s the final night before Wolf’s Wife is released as an ebook. I feel…almost bewildered. Good As Dead was published about four years ago under a different pen name, but I was going through a lot of personal shit at the time and was also confused about what I should have been doing to promote it. (I’m still confused as fuck but now I don’t care. It’s a grind no matter what, this writing game, and I’m perfectly happy to be an author who spends more brain cells on working away at projects instead of muddling through marketing attempts.)
When I wrote Wolf’s Wife in those blurry nineteen days, it was an act of grief. A howl of rage. I was at my lowest, having been depressed and suicidal for months and caught up in a writer’s block that had lasted for over a year. I had just scrapped another failed writing project, had just realized how much I hated trying to be an author following the typical genre norms and seeking out established routes to success. There I was, at a point where I had to admit to myself just how fucked up I was from a relationship gone bad, how many behaviors had been hardwired into me from those years, how rotten my personal foundation had become, and I couldn’t even write to get away from it.
So I sat down, boiling over with all this shit, and out came Wolf’s Wife, a story that had nothing to do with author branding or reaching the widest possible audience. A story that was ugly and feral, vulnerable and raw. It was a story that I knew would make some people think I was twisted (the filthy sex) or pathetic (the hot werewolf becomes entranced with a woman who wants him to pant and chase after her), but I was past caring. It was pure, snarling catharsis, and it helped me start the trudge along a slow, painful path to healing up and learning how to be happier with myself.
That was a few years ago. It’s now the middle of 2017 and so much has changed. I’m in another relationship, now, one that’s made me realize the sweetness of a love based on balance and trust. I wake up in the mornings and feel excited at the day stretching ahead, excited when I used to stare at the ceiling and feel dully disappointed that I hadn’t died in the night. I’m writing a lot.
Wolf’s Wife crystallized a period of my life and turned it into something healing. It’ll always be a little special to me. But I also like looking ahead, and when it’s released tomorrow, I’ll do the social media dance and link to where it can be bought…and then get back to writing the sequel, Wolf’s Bane. I have so many stories to tell, and these days, working on them is pure joy.